Home
by spooksfan08
Summary: Ruth has to go home,Harry is worried about her. Can she face the events of her past and realise what's important now?Can Ros and Malcolm run the Grid with Towers breathing down their necks and will the team manage without Harry and Ruth?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. This story takes place straight after Queen of the New Year. In my stories all characters from episode 2.1 until 9.8 are fair game. Malcolm never left, Adam, Ros, Lucas, Zoe, Zaf never left. Basically anyone who didn't die on screen like Danny and Jo are liable to appear at some point!**

**Home**

Ruth stared into space as Harry spoke to Catherine. She had been vaguely aware of him speaking to Lucas and Malcolm earlier. She closed her eyes as she tried to ready herself for what was going on around her. She couldn't quite believe what was happening, she heard Catherine agree to stay on their house to look after Scarlet and the cats. She smiled slightly as Charlie began to crawl towards her. It seemed the ten month old baby had something to say for himself.

"Hello little man" Ruth smiled as the baby gave her the gummiest grin in the world. Ruth couldn't help but smile back. The baby had recently started to try talking and standing up, neither of which was working particularly well. He reverted to crawling mainly because he could.

"Grandpa and I are going to miss you" Ruth picked up the little boy as he babbled away in a language only Catherine seemed to be able to understand. "We wont be gone long though" She kissed his head as the baby cuddled in to her. Ruth smiled slightly as Charlie made himself comfortable.

"I have my mobile with me" Harry told his daughter as Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Dad, stop worrying about us" Catherine smiled.

"Never, you know that." Harry returned her smile "I'm your Dad, it's my job to worry about you and your brother"

Catherine nodded slightly as she looked past him to where her son was sat on Ruth's lap. She understood what her father said. Since Charlie had been born she was well aware of what it was like to have another person need you so much. Charlie had completely changed her life, she was clean and back living in London. She still made films and still worked for charity organisations but heading off to various war zones had been postponed for the next couple of decades. Charlie needed her too much for her to put her life at risk. Harry followed her gaze. He was worried sick about Ruth, since he had found her crying in his office hours earlier she had become quieter than he had ever seen her. He wasn't sure if it was the effect her mother's hospitalization had or the prospect of returning to her home town had on her.

"Cath"

"Put the bags in the car. I'll talk to Ruth. If you need me and Graham to come to Exeter we will. If you need me you know where I am" She watched as her father nodded.

"How long have you been this grown up?" He hugged his daughter.

"Ah well, behave yourself. Get the bags in the car. Give me five minutes" Catherine walked away from her father towards the chair her stepmother and baby son were sat. Ruth tried her best not to cry while she was holding the baby but it was clear Charlie knew something was wrong.

"Dad's sorting the car out." Catherine sat down. Scarlet looked up from her position in front of the fire before ignoring the humans and going back to sleep.

"Ok"

"Ruth" Catherine watched the older woman's face as she spoke. "You don't have to go"

"Yes, I do" Ruth closed her eyes. "It's my Mum"

"Yes, and after what I have gathered no one would blame you if you didn't" Catherine stared at her as Ruth's eyes widened. "Before you go off on one no one has told me anything. It's just you never mention any of your family. I guessed about the baby and I know your Dad died when you were little but you never mention anything about your mum"

"Catherine"

"I am not going to pry but I can see whatever happened was fairly major. Please just don't let it destroy you" Catherine rested her hand on Ruth's arm as she looked up.

"I wont"

"Dad loves you, you know that"

"Yeah" Ruth smiled as Charlie nodded, as if confirming his mother's statement.

"He's a clumsy sod at times, but he means well" Ruth and Catherine both smiled at her statement. "You know what I mean"

"If it was Jane"

"I would go" Catherine sighed "I hate what she did, I hate the fact she married the prat she did and ended up in prison. I hate the way she got Graham drinking again for a while and left me to pick up the pieces. But she's my mother, I'd worry about it and I'd feel sick and try to delay it as long as possible but I'd go. And I'd drag that useless brother of mine with me"

"Catherine?"

"Mmn?"

"Thanks" Ruth handed the baby back to her as Charlie squeeled and laughed.

"Just remember, she may be your mother but Exeter hasn't been your home for a long time. You've got friends here, your family" Catherine watched as tears sprung to Ruth's eyes.

"I know" Ruth closed her eyes as Catherine hugged her. Neither woman was aware that Harry walked back into the living room. He paused in the doorway as Catherine turned and walked back towards him.

"Dad, look after her" Harry nodded as Charlie tapped his arm. He kissed the baby's head as he saw Ruth take a deep breath as if steadying herself.

"I'll try" He stepped past his daughter as she went to let Graham in to the house.

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"Ruth"

She dragged her eyes from the fire to meet his. The sadness he saw there nearly killed him. So much had happened in such a short space of time, he had no idea how either of them had coped. The last time he had seen her look so desolate was when they had found out about Jo's death.

"Are you ready?"

"Honestly no" Ruth sighed as he took her hands in his. "But we should go"

Harry nodded as he stepped back slightly from her. She was determined to be strong. Her mother had disowned her when she was just 16 years old. Over two decades later Ruth didn't understand how any mother could, especially to her only child and especially when the child needed her more than ever. Sighing she picked up her jacket from the sofa.

"Harry" Ruth closed her eyes. She hated the hold her mother still had over her. _Why had she believed Robert? Why hadn't she believed me? _It was the one discussion she had never been able to have with the older woman and now it looked like she would never be able to. Harry stood in front of her as she said his name.

"I'm here Ruth" He pulled her into his arms, she stood just resting her head on his shoulder for a moment "Whatever happens I'm here" He whispered into her ear as she sighed. Both were unaware that Graham and Catherine were talking quietly in the hallway. It was only when Harry became aware of Scarlet barking that he realised his son had arrived.

"Time to go?"

"Yes" Ruth brushed a tear away from her cheek. "Yes, let's go"

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Ros walked on to the Grid to the usual chaos the aftermath of an operation brought. Beth and Zoe were talking by the coffee machine as Tariq huddled over his desk working on some new toy he was inventing. He was quiet for the first time Ros could remember. Adam and Zaf were talking to various people on the phone but Dimitri and Lucas were nowhere to be seen.

"Ros" Malcolm walked towards her. His gait still a little unsteady.

"Home Secretary is in Harry's office"

"Great" Ros closed her eyes.

"Wants to know the latest intel on New Wave"

"He knows Harry told him yesterday" Ros narrowed her eyes.

"I told him that" Malcolm held her gaze "I think he wants to let us know who's boss now Harry is on leave for the first time in years"

"Ok, fine" Ros stalked towards the office "Let's show him"

**A/N Well? Worth continuing. Be prepared this is a long one. Please let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Drive **

Ruth sat quietly next to Harry as he drove along the motorway towards Exeter. The regular motion of the windscreen wipers almost dulled her into sleep. She glanced out of the window as Harry drove along in silence, Radio 2 the only sound in the car. Harry had only driven there once, when he had gone to speak to Ruth's mother all those years ago. He bit back the memory, the older woman had barely registered what he was saying. It was then he realised she had been in the early stages of Dementia. Ruth looked out the passenger window as she thought about her last visit to the Nursing Home where her mother lived. She had only been there once since she had returned from Cyprus. She smiled slightly as she remembered the conversation she had with Harry in his office after she had visited her mother. The greatest shock had been that the older woman hadn't even realised her only child had supposedly 'died' so it hadn't been the greatest shock to see Ruth in the doorway of her room. The greatest shock for Ruth was that her mother didn't even recognise her anymore. Smiling slightly she remembered telling Harry about her visit, sat on the battered old sofa in his office just before she had kissed him. It had been their first kiss since she had got home. Harry glanced at her as he drove, glad to see she was no longer looking quite so fragile.

"Ruth?"

Ruth turned to face him.

"I'm ok"

"Do you want to stop on the way? Get something to eat? I know you haven't eaten since I got back from Whitehall" Harry overtook the fiesta that was going painfully slow in front of them.

"No, I'm fine. I was just thinking"

"Oh" Harry kept his eyes on the road. "About what?" He couldn't help but smile as she blushed profusely.

"You"

"Me?"

"Kissing you, that night in your office when everyone had gone. I made coffee for us. After Nightingale before Albany" Ruth rested her head against the car seat.

"I bought you chips" He smiled at the memory.

"Yes, yes you did" Ruth sighed as she remembered kissing him senseless on the doorstep of her safehouse flat as the rain soaked them. Harry chuckled to himself as he pulled the car off the motorway. Ruth rolled her eyes, Catherine had been right, he did laugh like Muttley.

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Lucas looked up from his desk as he heard raised voices from Harry's office. Zaf raised his eyebrows as Towers stormed out the office followed by a rather shocked looking Malcolm. Ros remained behind talking on the phone.

"You alright Malcolm?" Zaf laughed as the older man nodded.

"Yes thank you Zafar" Malcolm sat at his desk as he tried his best not to feel sorry for the Home Secretary. It seemed the large set man had forgotten Ros had dealt with both his predecessors just as effectively. The fact Andrew Lawrence was still alive was due to Ros. He took a deep breath as Beth placed a coffee on his desk.

"You look like you need it"

"Thanks, I think I do" Malcolm glanced back towards the office as Lucas got up and decided to see what was going on.

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Ros closed her eyes as she put the phone back on Harry's desk. She was furious but hiding it well, although Lucas had the distinct impression she hadn't hidden it from William Towers. Lucas leant in the doorway as he watched his wife.

"Ros?"

"Bloody man"

"Towers or me?" Lucas smiled as Ros rolled her eyes.

"How does Harry put up with the politics in this job? I really don't think I could do this permanently. Not without commiting murder" Ros leant against the desk as Lucas approached her. He rested his hands on hers as she looked at him.

"I don't know what you said but it certainly made Malcolm blush" He watched as Ros stared at him deadpan.

"Malcolm always blushes. That infernal man had no idea what we do, what we have to do. He had no bloody clue as long as it looks good on paper, aslong as he can walk into Parliament and look good" Ros closed her eyes. "He wanted all the information on New Wave. Too many loose ends."

"You said that yourself Ros"

"Yes I know. But him walking in here and acting like a bloody Headmaster isn't going to help us tie them up. I may have said that he should get out of the Grid, let us get on with work and stop throwing his considerable weight around" Ros sighed. "Not very diplomatic"

"You and diplomacy is not exactly something I'd put together" He smiled as she nodded.

"Beating around the bush has never really got me anywhere has it" Ros stepped away from Lucas.

"What did you actually say?"

"Nothing"

"Ros"

"If you must know he mentioned my relationship with Andrew Lawrence. I informed him there was no such relationship and if he wanted to remain in the office he was welcome to do so. Aslong as he kept pushing bits of paper aroune and left the difficult work to us" Ros watched as Lucas smiled.

"You said that?" Lucas shook his head.

"Yes, and now I believe we have work to do" Ros watched as Lucas gave her a mock salute.

"Yes Boss" He laughed as she rolled her eyes. As far as Ros was concerned she couldn't wait for Ruth and Harry to get home. Lucas returned to his desk to see Dimitri and Adam arrive back on the Grid. Neither looked particularly happy. He had a feeling they were in for a challenging few days.

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Harry parked the car outside the small B&B he had arranged for them to stay in as Ruth looked out of the window. The rain had mercifully stopped as they had arrived in the town. Ruth frowned as she made to get out the car.

"This wasn't a B&B when I lived here" She looked over the roof of the car at Harry. He nodded as she turned and looked at the house.

"Only opened last year. I thought this was better than staying in the centre of town, it's nearer the hospital anyway" He shrugged as he walked to the boot of the car to retrieve their bags. Ruth sighed as she went to help him.

"It's nice." Ruth touched his arm as he slammed the boot shut. "I dont think I could have stayed nearer Mum's. This is out of the way"

"Come on then, sooner we get these bags inside, the sooner we can get to the hospital" He watched as she nodded tersley. It was the one thing she had tried not to let herself think about since they had decided to leave home. Harry dropped the bags on the gravel driveway and turned to her.

"I'm ok" Ruth smiled slightly.

"No you're not. I'd be more worried if you were" Harry kept his voice low as she avoided his gaze.

"I'm ok, it's just being back here. Everything has changed but " She shook her head. Harry rested his hand on her cheek, forcing her to meet his gaze.

"You still feel the same?"

"Harry, I work for one of the most prestigious and well respected organisations in the world. I spend hours and hours pouring over information looking for links that no one else could or would see. We work all the hours God sends to catch people that would destroy the world as we all know it. People that would murder indescriminately without a second thought, for money or an ideology no one in their right minds would understand, yet when I'm stood here it's like none of that matters and I'm still just as terrified as I was the day my aunt came to collect me" Ruth looked out over the garden behind the car.

"Yes what we do is important" Harry kissed her forehead "And sometimes it scares the Hell out of me"

"Harry"

"But Ruth, you are not 16 anymore. I wont let anything happen to you" He kissed her forehead as she hugged him.

"I know" She smiled slightly into his shirt. The LandRover momentarily forgotten as Harry held her.

"Ready?"

"Yes" Ruth nodded as she pulled back "I think I am"

"You're not on your own Ruth" Harry held her gaze as she nodded "Just remember, whatever happens you are not on your own"

**A/N I really am not sure about this story. First time without any real case so far, also the first time I have focused on feelings and their history. Please review :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Changes**

Adam opened the door to the safehouse flat that he was sharing with Wes and Carrie. It wasn't home but it had become clear that none of them really wanted to return to the flat where Darshan had met his end. Wes hadn't said anything but had changed the subject whenever the flat was mentioned. He was exhausted as he threw his leather jacket on the chair by the door. The flat was quiet but the light from the television let him know that at least one person was still awake. He smiled to himself as he pushed the living room door open. Carrie was curled on the sofa watching a Downton Abby DVD that Ruth had leant her. He sat beside her and draped an arm behind her.

"Wes in bed?"

"Yeah, he was exhausted"

"I know that feeling" Adam sighed as he failed to hide a yawn.

Carrie smiled as she curled into his side. "It's going to be ok you know?"

"Yeah I know" He kissed her hair. "I should start house hunting tomorrow." He hoped he didn't sound too desperate but he had loved living with Carrie since the fire and hoped she felt the same too.

"Yeah" She looked up at him "We could start looking properly"

"You want to carry on as we are then?" Adam smiled as she kissed his cheek.

"If it isn't broke Adam" She smiled as he kissed her deeply. Suddenly neither of them were tired anymore.

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Harry glanced at Ruth as they walked along the cold, clinical hospital corridor. He knew she hated hospitals with a passion. The smell was the first thing that hit them as they walked towards the medical unit. The domestics had certainly been generous with the antiseptic floor wash and the smell made Harry's stomach lurch. He had no idea how Ruth was feeling but the way she silently gripped his hand as they walked along worried him. Ruth was the strong one, although most people would never have guessed it.

"Ruth" Harry turned to face her as Ruth closed her eyes.

"Oh God"

Harry turned to see a woman walking towards them. Harry didn't like how Ruth immediately tensed as the elderly woman reached them. He narrowed his eyes as Ruth tried to steady her breathing.

"Ah Ruth, I was wondering if June would have called you" The older woman spent no time in looking Ruth up and down.

"Yes she did. Hello Victoria"

Harry took an instant dislike to the woman. The bitterness in her voice made him want to drag Ruth out of the hospital and back to London as quickly as possible. Ruth glared at the older woman as Victoria looked her up and down.

"Married I see"

"Yes, this is my husband Harry. Harry, this is my mother's friend Victoria Bromfield"

"Hello" Harry spoke calmly although he had the impression the woman unsettled Ruth, he had no idea why.

"You're the husband? Well true to form I see"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Harry stepped forward as Ruth's jaw dropped open.

"Well, Ruth you always did chase older men" Victoria sneered as Ruth shook her head and walked back down the corridor. Harry could barely contain his anger as he stepped dangerously closed to the woman.

"Listen to me. Whatever you have been told about my wife is lies. Pure lies. If I ever, ever hear you talk to Ruth like that again. If I ever suspect you are about to spew such vitriolic nonsense regarding my wife I'll make sure you regret the day you were born" He smiled slightly as the older woman went to reply.

"What happened with her and Robert is disgusting" Victoria hissed. "She led him on"

"As I say, keep your mouth shut and your lies to yourself" Harry glared at her. The older woman looked away, unable to maintain eyecontact. He paused for a moment before turning and going in search of Ruth. He had no idea what Elizabeth had told people about Ruth but he could see that at least one so called family friend had believed whatever lie had been peddled about Ruth's sudden exile to London two days after her 16th birthday.

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Beth rubbed her eyes as Tariq smiled at her. Both of them had been working on the link between Anna Dennis and New Wave. It had seemed pretty clear cut at the time but the more they looked in to it the less Anna looked like an innocent dragged into the situation after having an extra marital affair. It now seemed she was as much a ring leader as Hugo James had been.

"This is going to take forever" Tariq sighed.

"Yup"

"Coffee?"

"Yup" Beth sighed as Tariq waved his mug in the air "Dimitri?"

"Cheers mate" Dimitri yawned as he walked across to Beth. "Is it me? Or is it wierd here without Ruth and Harry?"

"It's wierd. I hope she's ok" Beth felt Dimitri rest his hand on hers. "All this business over New Year and she was ill. I hope there isn't anything like that going on"

"Harry would tell us if she was in hospital again"

"Yeah" Both looked up to see Ros walk out of Harry's office. The thin blonde woman looked exhausted.

"Everyone. Go home, there is nothing we can do here tonight. New Wave isn't going anywhere" Ros called across the Grid. In truth she was just as keen to go home to Lucas and the children as the others were to get away from the Grid. She leant against the office door wondering just how Harry managed to put in the hours he did without going insane.

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"Ruth" Harry caught up with Ruth as he reached the black landrover. She was shaking as she faced away from him. The late January air froze her to the bone but she was unable to move. Cursing herself she realised Harry still had the car keys. She had no way of getting away from the hospital, when all she wanted to do was run.

"Ruth" Harry rested his hands on her upper arms as she kept her back to him.

"It wasn't like that" Ruth almost chocked the words out. "Robert was older than me, but it wasn't like that" Harry closed his eyes. He had believed every word he had heard about Ruth and her step brother, there was no way the Ruth the woman in the hospital had described was the woman he knew.

"I know" He turned her to face him. "I know it wasn't like that. I don't believe a word that old crone said"

"Harry, my mother, my step father" She closed her eyes "They believed him. I should have realised other people would have too. I mean he was an adult, he had a really responsible job. Everyone loved him"

"Ruth" Harry cupped her face in his palm. "Listen to me. After that incident with Angela Wells I did some digging. He was a violent alcoholic all his adult life. What he did. What happened to you was his fault. And solely his fault. For Christ sake Ruth, you were just a child!"

He pulled her into his arms as she cried. He screwed his eyes shut as Ruth finally sobbed out all the tears and emotion that she had kept locked away for almost two decades. He didn't try to calm her, just let her cry as he fought to stop his own tears from falling. Both jumped as the mobile in Harry's pocket rang. He ignored it for a moment, until the elecronic sound became more and more insistant.

"Answer it" Ruth wiped a hand over her tear stained face as he sighed.

"Ruth"

"It could be the kids"

Harry nodded as he pressed the call button.

"Yes?" He barked as he listened to the caller on the other end of the phone. His expression softened as he listened. Ruth smiled as he put the phone away.

"Not a redflash then?" He shook his head, glad to see that Ruth had calmed somewhat.

"No, not this time"

"Shame" Ruth sighed "We could have gone home"

"We can if you want to" Harry stepped towards her.

"No, I wont let Victoria force me out. You are right Harry. I didn't do anything wrong." Ruth had clearly been analysing the situation while he had been on the phone. The clouds began to threaten as Ruth linked her arm through his as they walked back towards the hospital. "I need to see her, before. Well, you know"

"I understand Ruth" Harry hugged her to him and kissed her hair as they walked through the deserted hospital car park.

"Who called?"

"Just Graham. I think he was a bit worried about us. Apparently he has spoken to Lucas. It seems William Towers is scared of Ros" He chuckled slightly.

"The Home Secretary? Well if anyone can deal with him it's Ros Myers" Ruth rolled her eyes as they walked towards her mother's ward. "Harry?"

"Yes Ruth?" Harry held her gaze.

"Come with me? I know at the B&B I said I wanted to see her on my own. But please"

"Ruth" She closed her eyes as he repeated her name "You're not on your own. I told you that. Whatever you want ok?" Ruth nodded before kissing his cheek. Neither of them were aware of the elderly woman watching from the shadows.

**A/N Thanks for the reviews. I know it's a little angsty but please stick with me. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. Very very slight cross over with Ultimate Force. No copyright infringement intended there either!**

**The End**

Ruth stared at the blank white wall in front of her. She felt numb, she was unable to form a coherant thought and was just glad Harry had spoken with the Doctor. She knew he was worried about her but she couldn't really articulate what was going on in her mind at the moment. _Dead. She died. I was too late. I should have got here sooner. _Harry touched her arm as she closed her eyes. There were no more tears and for that Ruth felt increadibly guilty.

"Ruth"

"I" She stopped realising she had no idea what, if anything she was going to say.

"The doctor said you can see her if you want to. Either in the Chapel of Rest or the Funeral Home. Apparently she planned her funeral before she divorced your step father" Harry watched Ruth's face for any reaction from her. Ruth shook her head slightly.

"No. I think no" Ruth knew she was beginning to babble. "I think"

"How about we go back to the B&B?" Harry wanted to get Ruth away from the hospital and back to London as soon as he could. For now he would settle for getting her back to their room and trying to get her to rest. He had a feeling she wouldn't be getting much sleep that night. In which case, neither would he. He remembered the last time he had seen her looking so fragile. So broken. He pushed all thoughts of George and the day he died to the back of his mind. It would do no good to think of that awful time while they were stood in a hospital corridor. Ruth turned to him and nodded as he wrapped an arm across her shoulders.

"Harry" Ruth let him pull her into his arms "What do I do Harry?"

Harry hugged her to him as he closed his eyes. He knew Ruth had missed her last chance to talk to her couldn't help but blame Victoria for that. She could have called Ruth hours before, she could have informed the Nursing Home so June could have contacted Ruth. The vile woman had robbed Ruth of a last chance to talk to her mother. It really was the end. He kissed her hair before pulling back.

"You come with me" He held her hand and led her from the hospital for the final time.

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Malcolm shook his head sadly as he replaced the reciever back on the desk. It was late, most of Section D had been sent home from the night. He rested his head in his hands as he thought about his friends. It just didn't seem fair. It seemed both Ruth and Harry had been through too much in recent years. He didn't know exactly what had gone on between Ruth and her family but he knew she had only spoken to him about her aunt. He smiled, it seemed Ruth had adored her father's sister and now the last living member of her family had died. _No _Malcolm corrected himself _That is not strictly true. Harry, the children and the baby are her family, just because they are not blood relatives doesn't mean they are not family. Even here, Section D we are a type of family. Certainly just as difsfunctional as any family I have ever known. _He shook his head as the Pod doors whooshed open.

"Malcolm, has Sarah kicked you out?" Lucas smiled as Malcolm looked horrified at the idea.

"No"

"Why are you still here?" Ros rolled her eyes at Lucas' failed attempt at humour. He shrugged and pulled another donut out of the bag he was carrying. It seemed he had developed a sweet tooth since returning from Russia.

"I could ask you both the same thing"

"Forgot my keys" Lucas shrugged as Ros leant against Ruth's desk.

"What happened? What's wrong Malcolm" Ros watched as her friend seemed to debate what he could tell her.

"Harry called. They had only just got back from the hospital so he called here and then called Catherine"

"What happened Malcolm?" Lucas turned, suddenly aware that Malcolm was upset.

"Ruth's mother died tonight."

"Oh shit" Ros stared as Lucas frowned "Did she talk to her before? Did Ruth get to see her before she died?"

"No I don't think so" Malcolm shrugged "Harry said she died before they got there"

"Poor Ruth" Lucas shook his head. His mother had died when he was in Russia, he knew how difficult it was to accept the death of a parent without seeing the evidence for himself. He knew it would be harder for Ruth, she needed facts to analyse. To be told the facts after they had occured would be difficult for her to rationalise.

"Shit" Ruth closed her eyes. She knew Ruth had never found out why her mother had disowned her. She also knew that there were only a handful pf people in the world that knew the truth. She was one of just four people that knew about Chloe. Ros avoided Lucas' gaze as Malcolm explained that Harry and Ruth would be staying in Exeter until after the funeral.

"We'll manage" Lucas watched as Ros nodded.

"Not if you don't go home and get some rest Malcolm. We are two personnell down. Everyone has to be on top form. I can't afford anyone to make mistakes because they are ill or tired" Ros ushered both men towards the Pods. She hoped Lucas had dropped the subject of Ruth's bereavement and was slightly taken aback when he turned to her.

"Why is it so important Ruth spoke to her mother before she died?"

"It just is" Ros knew it wasn't really an answer "It just is"

Malcolm smiled slightly, glad that Ros seemed to be respecting Ruth's confidence. It seemed Ros really had learnt her lesson all those years ago.

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Harry sat on the bed as he listened to the shower in the ensuite. Ruth had headed to the bathroom the minute they had returned to the B&B. He made a mental note to thank Tariq for finding what was really a lovely B&B on the outskirts of the main town. He sighed as he looked at the clock. He had already spoken with Malcolm, knowing that he would explain the situation to the rest of the team in the morning. The last thing he wanted was to return to the Grid and have everyone ask Ruth how her mother was. He had also told him they would be spending a little more time away than anticipated. Ruth knew her mother had arranged her own funeral but she was intent on being there. He slipped his shoes off and threw his tie on the chair next to the bed as he realised Ruth had been in the shower for almost an hour.

"Ruth?" He called out as he tapped the bathroom door. "Ruth?"

There was no answer so he tapped the door again before trying the door handle. He closed his eyes as he cursed. She had locked the door. Ruth never locked the bathroom door at home, even though Graham had nearly caught her inflagrante once. He shook his head as he remembered Catherine screaming with laughter as Graham had made himself scarce. Ruth had laughed, even though she had been mortified that her step son had walked in on her. The fact that the door was now locked worried him more than her amost non reaction at the hospital had.

"Ruth, open the door or I'll break in" He waited for a moment before returning to collect his lock pick from his jacket pocket. He didn't doubt he could kick the door open but he didn't think his knee would thank him for it. The shower continued to run as he opened the door.

"Ruth? Please answer me" Fear momentarily gripped his heart as he pulled the shower curtain back. Ruth was shivering under the now cold shower as Harry stepped into the cubicle behind her and turned the water off.

"Harry?"

"Ruth, you are freezing" He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her as she shivered in his arms.

"Sorry" She kept her eyes on his shirt as he turned her to face him. "Didn't realise I had been so long"

"It's ok" He hugged her as she shivered "It's ok"

"I just"

"Hey, come on" He kissed her wet hair as he held her "You'll get pneumonia in here"

He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. Her fingertips were wrinkled as he kissed them. It was then she realised her hair was dripping over his shirt.

"You're soaking too" She met his eyes as he nodded.

"See? Thanks why your such a good analyst" He smiled as she rolled her eyes.

"You'll be the one getting pneumonia" Ruth felt a lump come to her throat as she spoke. In seconds she was wrapped in his arms again.

"Shh my love" Harry kissed her hair. "Shh, come on lets get you warmed up"

"Harry I" Ruth cursed herself for suddenly becoming so inarticulate.

"Bed, you need to sleep" He took her hand and led her to the bedroom. He could see by the haunted look in her eyes sleep wouldn't be the easiest thing to come by, but he was determined they tried.

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Zaf dumped his parka jacket on his desk as Beth and Zoe crossed the room to him. The Grid was a hive of activity as Ros glared over Tariq's shoulder at the CCTV footage they had acquired.

"When was this taken?"

"Four minutes ago" Tariq answered as Lucas swore.

"Everyone!" Adam yelled as Ros picked up the phone and started talking as she headed towards the privacy of Harry's office. "This is going to be a long day. I can't see any of us getting home before tomorrow morning. Those of you that need to make childcare or family arrangements do so now. Also make sure you eat more than coffee and chocolate. I can't see any of us being any use if we let our blood sugar levels go crazy"

"What's going on?" Dimitri watched as Ros dumped the phone on Harry's desk and marched back into the office.

"Dimitri, Beth" She called as the two newest recruits looked up. "Get down to the Home Office, find out what you can on a man called Mikael Russos"

"What's going on?" Beth repeated.

"We have a situation, the Home Secretary and his driver are being held hostage. We currently have no analyst and no Section Head. That is what is going on." Ros glared.

"Ros, Aiden Dempsey is on the phone. The Prime Minister has asked for his team to be involved" Zoe held out her phone.

"Great" Ros glared at the floor "Bloody Red Troop, just bloody great"

"Red Troop?" Beth asked.

"SAS" Dimitri shook his head. "Seems CO19 have passed this up."

"It's the Home Secretary. Red Troop know their stuff, even if Aiden Dempsey is a pompous pillock" Ros made sure the silence button on the phone had been deactivated. She heard the faint chuckle of Henno Garvey on the other end of the phone. _Come back Harry, all is forgiven._ She took a deep breath and spoke into the phone.

"Ros Myers"

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**A/N well I thought it would be business as usual on the Grid? Please let me know what you think. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. Very very slight cross over with Ultimate Force. No copyright infringement intended there either!**

**Need**

Ruth woke to find Harry asleep. His arm was stretched over her, as if he was subconsciously trying to make sure she knew he was there. She smiled slightly as she reached out and traced a finger along his face. He looked so different when he was sleeping, as if the worries of the world couldn't touch him. She had no idea what the time was, had no idea whether she had been asleep for five minutes or five hours. All she did know was that right at that moment she really didn't want to move. She was warm and safe and with the man she loved. Right now that was all that mattered.

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Harry held his breath as he felt Ruth trace her finger along his face. He had barely slept but he was pleased Ruth had at least managed to get a few hours rest. He daren't open his eyes incase he broke the moment. The ringing of his mobile phone broke the moment as Ruth pulled her hand away. Harry groaned, pretending to be woken by the sound of his phone ringing rather than by the trail of Ruth's finger along his face.

"Yes" Harry barked. Ruth pulled away from him and lay staring at the ceiling as Harry sat up in bed.

"No I am not coming back to London. Aiden, I know I understand the bloody problem but you have Ros Myers and Adam Carter there. Malcolm Wynn-Jones will be there on the Grid. I will be in Exeter until Friday evening" Harry rubbed his eyes as he listened to the other man argue on the other end of the phone.

"Aiden, am I taking it that you are suggesting my team are not capable of doing their jobs without me breathing down their necks?" Harry barked. A few seconds later he switched his mobile off.

"What is it? Are we needed back in London?" Ruth hugged her knees to her chest. Harry closed his eyes. He trusted Ros to cope with the current threat, he was annoyed that his counterpart in the SAS didn't. He had thought now he had a female soldier on his team the chauvanism would have abated a bit.

"No, nothing Ros and the others can't handle" He reached across the bed and took her hand in his.

"Are you sure? I mean I have to stay here, you've managed without an Intel Analyst before. If there's a major problem you should be back where you are needed" Her blue eyes gave away what she was really feeling. He climbed back on the bed next to her.

"Ruth, it is 5am" He tilted her chin to face him. "Right at this moment, I think I am right where I am needed" He gently kissed her lips as Ruth held his face her hands.

"Harry" Ruth sighed as she pulled out from the kiss. For a moment Harry thought she was going to pull away from him. It was the last thing he wanted but he had a feeling that even now, after everything they had been through she would pull away and try to cope with her grief alone. He rested his forehead on hers. She kissed him again as he pulled her into his arms.

"Ruth, you need to sleep" He pulled back from her slightly as she shook her head.

"I don't know anything anymore Harry. All I know is I need you" she reached up and kissed him as all thoughts of returning to London left him.

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"So, Colonel Aiden Dempsey is a pompous prat is he?" Henno laughed as Ros turned on him.

"The Home Secretary is being held hostage by a former member of the KGB in a hotel in West London. Is now really the time for petty jibes?" Ros shot him her patent death glare.

"Ros, stop scaring Army Boy and have a look at this" Beth approached her as Henno smiled at the blonde.

"Ros Myers doesn't scare me" He smiled as Dimitri raised an eyebrow. "She bloody terrifies me, have you seen her in the field? I saw her offer to take a bullet once, knowing it would kill her" He shook his head at the memory "Dunno many men that would do that"

"No?" Dimitri looked up as Lucas approached them. "No neither do I. But two women from this section have done it, only one is still here. It doesn't always work"

Henno stared as he thought about what Lucas had said. He had heard rumours that one of Section D had essentially committed suicide by cop. He began to wonder if the women of Section D were stronger than any of the men in his unit. He looked up to see Dave talking to Adam and Zaf while Becca was discussing the best plan of attack with Beth and Louis. Malcolm pointed to something on the computer screen as she called Ros and Henno over. Aiden Dempsey had left them while he weathered the political nightmare a hostage situation involving the Home Secretary would create.

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Ruth held Harry's hand as they sat in the car outside her mother's house. The sun had finally broken through the clouds and Harry could finally see why people loved Exeter so much. It was beautiful in the sunshine. He squeezed her hand as she turned to face him.

"Well, this is where I lived until I went to London"

"Do you want to go inside?" Harry watched as she sighed before screwing her eyes shut.

"I don't think I can. I just about got through talking to the undertaker Harry, I don't think I can go back in there" She turned so she was staring out of the window.

"That's ok Ruth"

"Too many ghosts" She shook her head.

"You're father?" Harry knew she had been close her father. She had often described herself as a real daddy's girl. How well she had got on with other members of her family had been obvious. Ruth shrugged.

"He died in hospital. I remember him telling me he was ill. I was only 11 but he said he was ill and going to hospital so that he could get well again" Ruth shook her head sadly. "He never came home"

"Ruth" Harry knew the memories of almost thirty years ago still broke her heart.

"I never really got on with Mum. She wanted a son, had been convinced that I was going to be a boy. When I wasn't it was a disappointment to her, to say the least."

"She couldn't have blamed you for your gender" Harry watched as Ruth nodded.

"She did Harry. She made it perfectly clear and when she and my father failed to have any more children she seemed to resent that even more. I know it sounds ridiculous." Ruth remembered overhearing a conversation with her mother and Victoria when she was 14. It was then she knew there was no way she could tell her mother she was afraid of her step brother, not when he _'was the son I never had'_ as she heard her tell the other woman. Harry shook his head as she turned to look at him.

"Well, I for one am very happy you were born a girl" Ruth rolled her eyes as Harry stared at her.

"Yes well" Ruth blushed "I think you made that fairly obvious this morning"

"What? Only fairly obvious? I must be loosing my touch" Harry reached forward and brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

"Harry" Ruth let her cheek fall into his palm.

"I love you Ruth" He watched as the first smile he had seen in days spread across her face. She kissd his palm as he spoke.

"Will you come in with me? In there" Ruth bit her bottom lip as he nodded.

"Wherever you need me Ruth"

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William Towers was beginning to think he was going to be killed. If not by an actual bullet by boredom. The man pacing up and down was clearly deranged and dangerous but Towers had no idea what he was saying. He glanced towards his driver as he wondered when Red Troop and Section D were going to come to the rescue. He hoped it was soon.

"What is this all about?" He asked as the man stopped pacing and turned to look at him.

"I do not like you"

"I had worked that out" The Home Secretary deadpanned

"I will kill you"

"Why?" Towers was too confused to be scared. He had a feeling the man infront of him was too young to be FSB and probably too old to currently be a KGB officer. That left one or two options. Rouge KGB or Russian mafiosa. He was leaning towards the former but hoped Ros Myers and her team worked it out before he had to act on his hunch. Towers shook his head sadly. _Twenty years ago I would have broken his neck and walked out of here without a look back, now I am old and far to fat for such antics. Why did I let myself get too unfit? Harry Pearce isn't that much younger than me and he faces down terrorist personally. What has he got that I haven't? Oh yes, a smaller waist. And Ruth. Bloody Hell I am going back to the gym when this is all over. _He looked across to see his driver Mike nod at the window. A single red dot was currently on the back of the man holding them at gunpoint. It seemed that negotiation wasn't going to take very long.

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Ruth stared at the front door of the little cottage where she had grown up. Harry watched for any sign she was going to bolt.

"When were you last here?"

"The day I left. No, before then" Ruth covered her face "The day I went to hospital in premature labour. The nurse kept asking who had assaulted me. Even then I couldn't tell her. I just kept asking that she call my Auntie Jessica to come from London. Thank God she did" Ruth remembered the bubbly brunette that had arrived almost two hours after the nurse had called her and completely taken over.

"I think I would have liked her" Harry smiled.

"Oh, Jessie would have loved you." Ruth smiled "She died when I was 21. Ovarian Cancer, but she was full of life"

"You went home with her?" Harry watched as Ruth nodded. This was not the conversation she had imagined having on the front step of her mother's home.

"Yes, she came here when I was sedated. Took what she thought I needed. Told my mother she was a disgrace and had no right to call herself a mother"

"That's something we agree on" Harry watched as Ruth stared at the floor.

"Harry please"

"Sorry" Harry stepped closer. He could see Ruth start to put the walls back up.

"Well she took me home. To London. My mother never tried to stop her" Ruth met Harry's eyes once more. "It confirmed what I had suspected. She never really wanted me at all"

"I'm sure that isn't entirely true Ruth" Harry watched as Ruth's eyes widened.

"If God forbid Catherine approached you as a teenager and told you that the same had happened to her, would you have called her a whore? A cheep lying tart?" Harry's eyes darkened. "No, I thought not. The thought of anyone hurting any of the children makes you physically ill. To Elizabeth Bickley. It was something that would cause scandal at the Bridge Club and to be hidden at all costs. Anyway Jessie took me back to London after Chloe. She helped me arrange her funeral" Tears were already in Ruth's eyes as Harry pulled her into his arms.

"Oh Ruth"

"It was her white coat I used to wear so much, she gave it to me for luck when I went to university" Harry kissed her hair as he held her.

"Yes I definately think I would have liked your Aunt Jessie" Ruth nodded as he held her. "Do you want to go in?"

"No" Ruth closed her eyes "But I think I should, I should check there is nothing that could link my work to her. Everything else my former step father can deal with"

Harry reached around her and turned the key in the lock.

"Ready?"

"No"

"You need me to come in with you?" Harry watched as Ruth's eyes bored into his own. For a moment he wasn't sure she had heard him. "Ruth, do you need me?"

"Always Harry" Ruth sighed "Always"

**A/N Not sure what I make of this chapter. Ruth's former step dad may turn up next time. More on the Russian that has William Towers hoping Ros is on the way to rescue him. More soon. Oh and thank you for the reviews, this story is very personal to me as I lost a parent a couple of years ago. Although I didn't have the background with them Ruth has with her mum. I know many people who read this have also been bereaved and for that reason I need to get it right, so please tell me if I am off track or if any of the Section are out of character. I didn't intend to offend any one when I started this so I hope I havent. As ever, please review.**

**xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Action **

Ros was beginning to get annoyed with the way Red Troop were effectively taking over the Grid, she knew if Harry was there Aiden Dempsey would have been relegated to being a minor annoyance. As it was she was quietly debating how she could shut him up. _S_he looked up from the CCTV as Lucas approached her.

"When did Harry say they would be back?" He watched as she raised an eyebrow.

"The funeral is Friday, 11 am. Catherine and Graham are going down to Exeter so I assume after that"

"Good"

"Why? Don't you think I can do this?" Ros folded her arms.

"Ros, I know you can do this but Aiden Dempsey is a right pain in the," He paused as Ros smirked. Colonel Dempsey was two foot away from her.

"Yeah, if he calls me or one of the other women here darling again, I promise Lucas I won't be responsible for my actions" Ros watched as Lucas smirked.

"You are doing really well" Lucas brushed his fingers across hers "Towers is going to regret that argument in the office when you get him out of this"

"Stupid man, stupid man. How did he get himself taken hosptage? By an FSB reject at that" She shook her head as Lucas rolled his eyes.

"He's a politician Ros, not exactly known for their common sense" She nodded as Beth approached her.

"Boss?" Beth held out a file "You need to see this"

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Ruth stared at the small living room. It was mostly as she had left it, the same fireplace, the same layout of furniture. It was like walking back in time. Only now she wasn't the same person she was years ago. She ran her finger along the dust covered mantle piece, knowing her mother would have been mortified that she was in the house.

"My mother would hate this" Ruth sighed as she looked around the small room.

"What?" Harry stepped a little nearer to her.

"The dust. She was immacualte, had a cleaner once a week after she married David." Ruth walked across to the glass cabinet which housed photographs in small frames. She sighed as she realised none of the photographs were of her.

"She's have hated me being here too" Ruth turned to face him. "Harry this was never my home, not once Dad died"

"I" Harry held her gaze as she spoke. It wasn't that she was upset that bothered him, it was more that she seemed resigned to the fact she was right. Her mother had effectively written her out of the family history. He looked around the walls and mantle piece as he realised while he had photographs of Graham, Catherine and Charlie at home proudly on display there were none of Ruth in the house.

"I spoke to her exhusband earlier, when you were on the phone to Adam" Ruth walked across to the sofa "He said he is going to sell the house. And the important papers that I may want are in my old room"

"He's selling the place?"

"Yes, it's up to him isn't it?" Ruth walked out the room as Harry sighed. He had no idea what to say, what to do. All he knew was he had to let Ruth take the lead. And be there, that's all he could do. He rubbed his hand over his eyes as he followed her into the hallway.

"Ruth?"

"My old room, it's up here" He nodded as she walked up the stairs to the tiny room at the front of the house. He smiled slightly, imaging how a family could settle in the little cottage. It was almost the picture perfect place. He followed her up the stairs, only pausing when she reached the door. Half of her expected the room to be completely different, to have had anything that could possibly say a teenage girl slept there in the mid 1980s, but the other half still secretly hoped her posters had remained. She had never been one for pop music but there had been the odd poster. She smiled as she remembered the poster of Bucks Fizz her father had brought home from London, next to the one of Spandau Ballet. Although it was only the one Spandau Ballet song she had liked as a young girl. She remembered the books and the purple rug. Deep down she knew they would be gone but some part of her still hoped the remnants of her childhood had been kept. Pushing the door open she saw exactly what she suspected. What she didn't expect was to start shaking so violently she thought she was going to be sick.

"Ruth" Harry turned her to him. "You don't have to do this"

"Yes I do" She hugged him tightly as he buried her face in her hair. "Harry, I"

"It's ok, it's ok" He pulled back and held her face in his hands. "You stay here, I doubt there is anything that links GCHQ or 5 to this place. I doubt they even would have communicated with your mother prior to GCHQ recruiting you"

"The background checks?"

"Your school, university, friends and associates. Your aunt Jessica would have been spoken to, although she probably didn't realise it at the time. She died just after you graduated didn't she?" Ruth nodded. "I'll check, just to be sure but I doubt it"

He stepped away as she leant against the door frame. She felt sick, the memories of her mother screaming at her and her stepfather walking away in shock sprang to the forefront of her mind. Then she remembered Robert and what had happened between them, how he had beaten her up when he knew there was no way to hide what he had done to her. At that moment Ruth didn't know why she was crying, she just had to get out of the house. She turned and ran down the stairs and out the door into the winter sunshine. Harry looked up from the shoebox he had opened to find she had gone. He cursed as he replaced the school photo of Ruth back in the box with her name marked on it. He picked up the box and followed Ruth out of the house and back into the garden.

"Like I said you don't have to do this" He stood as close to Ruth as he could. Part of him still thought she would bolt. Ruth closed her eyes as she nodded.

"I can't go back in there. Too many memories" Ruth opened her eyes and met his gaze. She turned and walked back to the cottage, slammed the door and posted the keys through the letter box. Harry smiled slightly as she turned to face him. Part of his Ruth was back, she was still just as stubborn as ever.

"Ruth" He stepped slightly towards her.

"Lets get away from here" Ruth took his hand as he smiled slightly.

"Good idea Ruth" He watched as she wiped the tears away from her eyes.

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"Where did you get this?" Ros asked.

"Just now, look there is a connection between Towers and this guy" Beth stated "I know it's a long shot but it is still a connection"

"She's right" Lucas took the file from Ros and began to scan it.

"Seems so, good work Beth" Ros looked at the junior officer.

"Thanks" Beth smiled slightly "Look Zaf has started a collection for Ruth, just to get some flower. You know, so she knows we are thinking of her"

Ros nodded as she looked up to see Zaf and Adam walk away from the soldier they were talking to. Neither man looked happy. Lucas handed the file back to Ros before turning to Beth.

"Nice idea, I tell you something, we could do with her here now. We need someone who could find the links none of us could see" Lucas leant against his desk.

"Yeah, she does have a different way of looking at the world" Beth smiled as she thought of her friend.

"I just hope that doesn't change. Loosing a parent, well that changes you" Beth bit her bottom lip and nodded as Ros ordered everyone into the Briefing Room. She just hoped the team were back together before too long.

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Harry stepped out of the shower as he debated whether he should insist Ruth came with him to get something to eat. It was clear she had lost weight while they had been away. He was sure he had felt her ribs while he had held her earlier. He grabbed a towel and started drying his face and hair as he heard Ruth talking on the phone in the next room.

"Yes I collected everything" She paused as Harry cursed himself. He knew he should not have been listening to her but he couldn't help it. He had no idea who she was talking to.

"No I will certainly not be going back there. And no David I will not be contesting the Will." Ruth was clearly beginning to get angry. "Of course I will be there on Friday. She was my mother" Ruth ended the conversation and threw the phone on the bed. Then she panicked, thinking she had broken her mobile.

"Shit, shit shit" Ruth mumbled as she picked up the small phone and started to examine it.

"What has that phone ever done to you?" Harry smiled as he appeared in the doorway.

"Sorry" Ruth slumpled on the bed.

"It's a phone, it doesn't matter" Harry crossed to her and sat on the bed next to her. Ruth rested her head on his shoulder as she tried to control her temper.

"Everything I touch" She closed her eyes. "I ruin everything I touch"

"Ruth" Harry hugged her too him. "You do say some ridiculous things at times. You ruin nothing, now where are we going to eat? Here or where do you want to go?" He kissed her hair as she looked at her rapidly decreasing frame.

"I'm not hungry"

"Well I am. You wouldn't see me eat alone Ruth? Not in a strange place" He teased her gently.

"Ok ok" She opened her eyes. "But you have to get dressed first"

"Spoilsport" Harry smiled at her as she raised her eyebrows. "I thought I'd set a trend, going to resteraunts in a towel"

Ruth shook her head and smiled._ Why do I always feel that bit better when he is here? _"Impossible man" She smiled.

"Yes" Harry agreed "But that's why you love me"

Ruth touched his cheek as she kissed him. "Mm? I suppose so, but there may be a few other reasons too"

**A/N I've had some immensly kind reviews for this, it isn't the best story I have written. I'm much more used to drama and action rather than feelings and emotion so thank you all so much for the comments. Oh and Abigal, I hope the cough is better :D **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. **

**The Space Between**

Zaf glared at the windows of the impossibly expensive hotel in front of him. It was a long shot but Red Troop thought that they could get in to the hotel, $locate the hotel room and rescue the Home Secretary. Dempsey had been adamant they could do so without causing any civilian casualties. It had seemed that Staff Sargeant Garvey had been less than certain his team could do so.

"Yeah boss, but I ain't gonna guarentee that there will be no civilian casualities" He turned and stared at Ros, remembering the hotel seige a few years earlier where she had been determined to get herself killed. "Too many unknowns"

Zaf shook his head, it seemed while the soldiers way may be effective it left too many loopholes. Henno was right. There were too many things that could go wrong. He turned to Zoe to see her glaring up at the same building.

"The conference should have been secure" She shook her head.

"Yeah, last year Andrew Lawrence insisted it was Section D that looked after it. Seems Towers went for the cheaper option" Zaf smirked. "Looks like that worked. Now it's going to cost twice as much" He couldn't help but laugh at the irony. Zoe remained silent before tapping him on the arm and walking into the building.

"Zo?"

"Just having a little look around. And as my fiance, it's perfectly plausable that we should be looking at places like this for the wedding" Zoe smiled as Zaf shook his head.

"Not on my wages it isn't" He laughed as she took his hand and pulled him inside the hotel. They both knew Dempsey would have to call the snipers off for the moment if two officers from Section D had blundered into the building. Across the street in an office block Ros watched the couple enter the hotel and smiled.

"Good thinking Zoe" She muttered as Adam looked over her shoulder and laugh. Somewhere in the background Henno Garvey could be heard telling Louis to stand down until further instructions had been delivered. It was clear Aiden Dempsey was beginning to rue the day he had to work with anyone from MI 5, let alone Section D. He met Adam's gaze as the blonde spook looked away from the window.

"What the Hell are your people playing at?" Dempsey screamed across the room.

"They are doing their job" Ros returned the comment calmly. "I suggest you do the same. Adam, Henno, Lucas. With me" Ros walked past him as the three men followed orders.

"And where do you think you are going?" Dempsey called after her. Henno smiled and shook his head.

"I know I am going to do my job. If you want you can stay here and sulk while the grown ups do their work or you can actually get your head out of your arse and do something constructive" Ros smiled sweetly as Dempsey began to choke on his retort.

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Ruth was exhausted but Harry had been right. They needed to get some fresh air and something to eat. The walk to the pub a few streets away from the B&B had been uneventful. Now they were walking back to the small B&B and she had to admit she was glad he had talked her into going out. Bumping into Charlotte from her school days had been strange but once both women had got over the shock it hadn't been so bad. Ruth had to admit her childhood friend hadn't been that surprised she was married to Harry. Thankfully she hadn't mentioned anything of Ruth's mother and step father. The question whether Ruth had children had been the most awkward part of the brief meeting. Now they were walking back Ruth had shrugged it off, instead concentrating on the route they were taking. Ruth even had to admit that after all this time she wasn't entirely sure of the way. She was going on memories from twenty years ago. Harry held her hand as they walked.

"Catherine called" He started quietly as Ruth nodded.

"Is she ok?" Ruth glanced at him as he nodded.

"Yes, her and Graham are fine. Charlie is teething again but everything is fine back home, including Scarlet and the cats. Adam and Wes have agreed to look after the animals on Friday" He watched as Ruth turned to face him.

"Harry"

"They are determined to come to the funeral"

"They didn't know her" Ruth shook her head as her brown curls hung loosely around her face.

"No" Harry had to conceed the point "But they know you. And they love you, so they want to be here. Catherine was quite determined. You know what she's like when she gets an idea in her head" He smiled as he thought of his only daughter.

"Yes" Ruth looked up "She's like her father" Harry couldn't help but laugh slightly as Ruth spoke. He knew Catherine would have hated the comparison but if he was honest he quite liked the idea of her being like him.

"Are you saying I am stubborn Ruth?" He raised his eyebrows as he teased her.

"In the words of Tariq, is the Pope Catholic?" She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. "Look Harry it is only Wednesday. Why dont you go back to work? Join me here on Friday when the kids come"

"No Ruth" He brushed her hair away from her face "I am staying here with you. I trust Ros and Malcolm not to have blown the Grid up for a second time and I can't see Tariq digging any escape routes. The only person I am concerned about is the one stood in front of me"

"I'm tired Harry" Ruth closed her eyes as she felt his lips on her cheek. He nodded as he pulled back from her.

"Lets get you into bed then" He immediately regretted his choice of words as he saw Ruth's eyebrows shoot to her hairline. "Too sleep Ruth, to sleep"

"Oh" Ruth bit her bottom lip as he widened his eyes.

"You said you were tired"

"Harry" Ruth rested her forehead against his as they stood in the doorway of the B&B. "Take me to bed"

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Carrie stared at the floor and cursed. She knew it would be hours before Adam came home. Wes was asleep in his room while Emma and the babies were settled in the spare bedroom. She needed Adam to come home, they had to talk. But with the children there she knew it would be difficult, if not impossible. Besides, she wasn't really sure, not yet. She wasn't that late and she had been under alot of stress. _Yes that's it. Stress. It wasn't that long ago you were held hostage. That Wes had to get help. Things have certainly been eventful since I met Adam Carter and his friends._ She stared at the television and tried to ignore the little voice in her head telling her she was she right to be worried. She turned the television off angrily and went to check on the children.

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Ruth sat on the windowsill of the room in the B&B. She was tired but didn't want to sleep, returning to her old family home had been disconcerting to say the least. She had spent so much time trying to forget everything that had happened to her in that house since her step brother had moved in. She stared out of the window as Harry approached her.

"Like I said Ruth, there was nothing there to tie you to the Security Services" He brushed the hair away from her face as she nodded.

"Good"

"You never told me you had braces on your teeth though Ruth" He smiled as Ruth's eyes widened.

"Harry" She turned to face him. "How? Yes I had braces. Don't tell me there was a photo?"

"In the shoebox. How old were you?" He held out the photo of her in school uniform smiling happily like any other child.

"Eleven, this was before my Dad died" She shook her head as she took the photo from his hand. "We all hated that uniform"

"You looked happy"

"I was Harry. I was in Junior School then, it must have been 1982?" Ruth stared at the young girl in the photo. Harry cringed, remembering what he was doing in 1982. _Northen Ireland, first tour of duty after the army. First real taste of the Troubles. And she was in Junior School. _He suddenly felt very old, the age gap between them seemed much bigger than it ever had before. As if sensing what was going through his head Ruth dropped the photo on the windowsil and stood up.

"What else was in that box?"

"Nothing much, a school report from the Boarding School. A letter from the Head of Year"

"A letter?"

"I read it. It seems the teacher was concerned because you returned from the Easter Break even more withdrawn and quiet than when you left to go home. She was concerned something had gone on at home that had upset you" Harry watched as Ruth shook her head.

"Yes well" Ruth closed her eyes. "She was right there"

Harry nodded solemly. He had an idea of what had caused the normally shy child Ruth had been to become even more introverted. Right there and then he wanted to kill Robert Wells with his bare hands. It was little consolation that the man was already dead. Ruth looked at him.

"Don't Harry" She stepped towards him. "Don't get angry. It doesn't do any good"

"Sorry" He hugged her. "It's just the thought of" His voice broke as he pulled her into his arms. Ruth slipped a hand over his chest, just below the buttons above his heart. She could feel his heart beating beneath her palm.

"Do you know this is the longest we have been on our own? No Grid, no one else, not even the cats and Scarlet? I don't think we have been together" She blushed "So much since we got together" Ruth let him hold her as she spoke.

"Um? Wonder you haven't got sick of me" He kissed her hair as she smiled slightly.

"Not yet. But we are going home on Friday" Ruth watched as Harry raised his eyebrows. He couldn't help but shake his head and laugh slightly at the look on Ruth's face.

"Yes Ruth, back to the madhouse on Friday"

She nodded her head and frowned as she remembered what Friday would also bring. She would be glad to be leaving Exeter but she wondered briefly if she could get through the next few days without needing to run away again.

"Harry" She met his gaze as she realised that she may have really offended him. It was then she stopped thinking as he brushed his lips across hers. Suddenly there was no need to say anything more.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N Again thankyou for the reviews. Next chapter is back to the Grid. Also why is Carrie upset with Adam? Is Zaf right? Please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Here with Me**

Harry woke to find Ruth sleeping quietly next to him. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was that they had finally got together. He smiled as he remembered the way she had burst into his office as usual before asking him if he wanted to get a drink. _Bloody Tariq! _Harry thought, but it had given him hope. It had also given him enough confidence to gently tease her when she had placed a mug of coffee on his desk one night when they were alone on the Grid. The mere fact she had thought of him had given him the courage to do something about their non-relationship. He turned on his side to see Ruth was still asleep, despite the trail of tears that ran down her cheeks. He sighed. There was nothing he could do to make this better. He was used to fixing things, making the decisions no one else either would or could. Now there was nothing he could do and he felt useless. It wasn't a feeling Harry Pearce was used to.

"Ruth" He whispered her name. Ruth didn't stir. Harry sighed, he was relieved she was at least able to sleep. He had no idea what was going through her mind but he knew when she woke she would say she was fine. He swung his legs out of bed and dressed quietly. Harry watched for a moment as Ruth turned on her back before he left the room. He couldn't stand it anymore, he knew she needed to sleep but he hated seeing her upset knowing there was no way he could make it better. Slipping quietly down the creeky staircase, so as not to wake the manageress or the other guests he slipped into the garden._ Fresh air and a little time on my own, that's all I need. Just ten minutes._

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Ros was sick to the back teeth of the way Aiden Dempsey had treated her team. With the seige effectively ended and one former FSB reject under arrest and the Home Secretary back home and one driver reunited with his girlfriend and five year old son Ros had to admit her team had done well. She smiled slightly as Henno Garvey crossed the room to her.

"Alright Ros?"

"Yes thank you" She liked the Staff Sargeant but couldn't stand his boss. A fact she really didn't try to hide.

"Good result"

"Yeah, Section D did well. I'll have Lucas and Beth question Romanov when we get back" Ros watched as the soldier nodded.

"Right, well I'm taking Red Troop down the Pub. You lot want to join us?" He looked around to see a few of Section D shake their heads.

"Paper work" Malcolm replied. "More and more of it these days."

"Ah"

"How's Kathy?" Ros watched as the soldier blushed. "I hear it isn't just me that grew up and settled down"

"She's great" Henno smiled "Maternity leave starts next week, just got to get through until next Friday without 6 sending her somewhere stupid"

"Good luck with that" Ros laughed.

"Thanks, oh and Ros?"

"Yeah"

"You were right about my boss" Ros shook her head and smiled as she followed Zaf and Lucas out of the room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ruth woke to the sound of TalkSport news announcing there was traffic delays in Central London due to what people were calling a police incident. She rolled her eyes. _Police incident? Ros and the others have done something. Not sure I want to know what. Bet Adam will be needing me to get into a few databases. _She smiled slightly as she thought of her friends. It was then she realised she was on her own in the small bedroom. She looked around the room before realising Harry had gone. For a moment she expected to see a note telling her that something had happened in London and he had to go back to the Grid. There was no note on his pillow, no envelope on her bedside table. Ruth frowned and carefully stepped out of bed.

"Harry?"

There was no reply as she pulled back the curtains to reveal it was still dark. She glanced down at the garden to see the beautiful lawn and flower borders were untouched. Only Harry's sillouted figure disturbed the picture. For a moment she was transported back to the room where Mani had held her and Harry. The video feed of George as he was murdered looked eerily similar to the picture before her at that moment. Closing her eyes Ruth whispered Harry's name. She watched as Harry seemed to stare into space. He looked lost. Shaking her head Ruth grabbed her dressing gown and slipped quietly from the room hoping that she didn't wake the other guests as she closed the door and went in search of Harry.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Graham sat on the sofa playing with Charlie as Catherine tried to tidy up around them.

"Graham, move your feet" Catherine slapped his leg as Graham looked at her.

"Calm down. It's Dad and Ruth, not the Queen coming home"

"If you are not going to be helpful shut up" Catherine watched as Charlie smiled at her. "Same goes for you young man"

"Mama" Charlie answered as Catherine laughed. "Keep uncle Graham busy for me"

"What time are we leaving?"

"Adam is collecting Scarlett and the cats in half an hour. You have sorted out your suit haven't you? We have to leave at 7 at the latest" Catherine watched as her brother nodded.

"I am not completely useless"

"Could have fooled me" Catherine started sorting through babygros as Charlie laughed at her.

"Oh sis you wound me"

"Carry on acting like a prat and I will" Catherine spoke seriously "Gray, have you ever been to a funeral?"

"Yeah. Gran's "

"You were 9 when Gran died" Catherine sighed. He barely remembered it but she did. Her mother was in floods of tears as Harry had tried to comfort her. She had just held Graham's hand as the adults dissolved around them.

"Cath, have you ever heard Ruth talk about home? Exeter I mean. I just assumed she had no family apart from us"

"No" Catherine sighed. "She never mentioned her mother until all this. I sort of got the feeling something happened there but I don't know what" She sat next to him.

"Yeah. Something isn't right. Even when I hated Dad I still admitted he was my dad."

"You didn't really hate him"

"No it was the drugs" Graham shrugged "Messes your mind."

Charlie continued trying to get Graham's attention. He smiled at his nephew as the baby gurgled.

"Yeah so when we see Ruth play things by ear yeah?" Catherine watched as he nodded.

"That's why you are so determined that go isn't it? So there isn't just her and Dad there" Graham watched as she nodded.

"Family is family Graham" Catherine stared at him. "She's been good to us"

"Yeah" Graham nodded. "But before we go anywhere you can change him" He wrinkled his nose as he passed the baby back to his sister. "I'll get things together for Scarlett and the cats"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Ruth pulled her dressing gown closer to her as she stepped into the darkened garden. It was before 6 am and while there wasn't any frost she was freezing. For a moment she wondered whether she should have left Harry alone with his thoughts but it was too late he had already spotted her a he turned to face her.

"I didn't want to wake you"

"You didn't" Ruth smiled slightly. Harry stared at her, momentarily taken aback by her presence.

"I think you may be getting a message from either Ros or Malcolm soon. The news on the radio hinted something had happened"

"Nothing about Towers?" Harry smiled as Ruth shook her head. _They did it. Nice one Ros, bet that shuts Dempsey up the bloody idiot. _"You didn't come out here in this cold to tell me that"

Ruth shrugged her shoulders as she walked towards him. "Not just that. I couldn't find you"

"It's early" Harry glanced at his watch 6 am was not the time he wanted to be up and about but his internal body clock had never really recovered from his years in the army and as a field officer.

"Yes" Ruth had no idea what was going through Harry's head. He looked away at a bedraggled rose bush in the corner.

"The kids will be on their way soon"

"Yes" Ruth rested a hand on his arm "Harry, what is it?" She stared up at him as he covered her hand with his own.

"Don't worry about me Ruth"

"I'm your wife. I'm supposed to worry about you" She held his gaze as he sighed heavily. He knew she wasn't going to let him get away with brushing her off. He was upset and she wanted to know why. He knew if he didn't tell her she was going to spend the rest of the day trying to conjour up a million reasons as to why he was stood in the B&B garden at 6am on a freezing cold February morning.

"I just needed to think" He watched as she nodded.

"Oh"

"Ruth, you said you came back here to tell her you were home"

"Yes, I'd been home a couple of months I think. It was after Jo died. It just seemed like it was something I had to do."

"I understand that but you came on your own" Harry stared at her. Ruth looked at the floor and nodded.

"I knew she was in a nursing home. Malcolm had found out for me. I knew David was nowhere around so I could just turn up. I called June first, told her I had been working away but was back in the UK now" Ruth swallowed hard at the memory.

"Why didn't you ask one of us to come with you" He watched as Ruth closed her eyes.

"I wanted to. Nightingale was in full swing. You and I were just beginning to talk again. Properly talk without biting each other's heads off. Jo was dead. Ros was in shock and I didn't really know Lucas and Tariq all that well. I did think of asking Malcolm but his own Mum was ill at the time. The others were still away" Ruth explained. "I was with her for less than five minutes. She didn't know me"

"I wish"

"You're with me now. That's the important thing. You're here now" She touched his face gently as he closed her eyes.

"I feel so useless" Harry almost whispered.

"You're not useless. Harry, I couldn't do this without you." She kissed him chastely. "You know that"

"Ruth, I'm supposed to look after you, protect you from all this" He held her hand to his face.

"Harry" She sighed as he kissed her palm "You can't protect me from everything but you are with me when I face it. Now in five hours time I am going to my mother's funeral. I'll face people I haven't seen for over twenty years, people who think the worst of me. People who think I lied and people who had no idea why I deserted my mother. I couldn't face them without you. I'm not strong enough for this without you"

"Ruth I"

"So you are not useless Harry. Far from it" She kissed him again as he wrapped his arms around her.

"God Ruth, you are freezing" He held her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back.

"Come on Harry, lets get back inside" She felt him nod as she spoke. The lights in the house were beginning to light up as the other guests began preparing for the day ahead.

"Ruth"

"Yes?"

"You can do this" He stepped back slightly as she nodded.

"Only with you Harry. As long as you are here with me"

**A/N Thank you for all the reviews. As ever they are all greatly appreciated. Please let me know what you think.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. I have a stinking cold so appologies if none of this makes any sense!**

**Family?**

Adam smiled as Scarlett barked and spun in circles as Catherine handed him the dog's lead. The cats had already been safely deposited in the back of Adam's car.

"Thanks for this" Catherine smiled at the blonde spook.

"Not a problem" Adam smiled "How are they Cath?"

"I spoke to Dad last night" Catherine sighed "He's coping, same as he always does"

"Ruth?"

"Dunno" Catherine stared at him as the little dog as his feet barked "Not good. Quiet"

Adam nodded. He knew Ruth well enough to know when she was shutting everyone out. Ros did the same. It seemed to be a trait among the women of Section D, one which he was sure Carrie had also adopted. He didn't know why.

"Look after yourself, yeah? Drive carefully" Adam paused as he picked Scarlet up. "It is you driving isn't it?"

"Yeah, idiot boy is still banned" Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah" Adam winced at his mistake. He had forgotten Graham was still on a three year drink driving ban, Harry had known nothing about it until a year after Graham was caught.

"Not my proudest moment" Graham appeared in the doorway and scratched the small dog behind her ears "You be careful with this delinquent in the car" Scarlet barked as Graham laughed.

"Oh I think I'll manage this one" Adam laughed "Ring me when you want this lot back. Tell Harry and Ruth we haven't completely destroyed the Grid and that we are thinking of them"

"I will" Catherine smiled as she saw Adam out. "Grey, get a move on!" She called as Adam pulled his car away from the curb.

Graham rolled his eyes as the baby laughed.

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Ruth stared at her reflection in the mirror. Somehow she looked wrong. She couldn't quite put her finger on how or why but she looked wrong. Everything about the way she looked was wrong. She pulled her hair out of the ponytail she had put it in. Then she decided that looked wrong. So she tied her hair back again. It was no good. Nothing was right. She closed her eyes in frustration as she wondered whether it was what she was wearing. She didn't think her mother would approve of her black blouse and skirt. _But then, she wouldn't approve if I wore a trouser suit or if I wore I dress. Oh God I can't do this. She wouldn't want me there anyway. Why am I going? She wouldn't want me anywhere near her. She didn't when she was alive so why would she now? Why am I even doing this? Why am I putting Harry and the kids through this? She was right, I am selfish. _She buried her face in her hands as Harry walked back into the room.

"Ruth? Catherine called"

"Oh" Ruth brushed her hand through her hair as she turned to face Harry.

"Ruth, are you alright?"

"I'm not going" Ruth stared at him "She wouldn't want me there"

"Ruth" Harry rested his hands on her shoulders "What brought this on? You were determined to go a few hours ago"

"I know. I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry" Ruth cursed herself as her voice broke. Harry shook his head as he pulled her into his arms.

"Ruth" He kissed her hair as he held her. "It's ok. Come on, no more tears"

"I should never have come here"

"Of course you should have come here. You have every right to be here. More so than that witch we met at the hospital" Harry felt Ruth tense in his arms.

"Victoria Bromfield. My mother's best friend" Ruth mumbled into his shirt.

"Yes, that explains why she believed that bull your step brother spouted" He kissed her again. "If you don't want to go, then we wont"

"I should be able to face them"

"Yes" Harry knew Ruth was begining to talk herself into going. He felt her relax against him. "Catherine and Graham shouldn't feel they have to come because of me. I don't want them feeling pressurised into going"

"Since when have either of my kids done anything they didn't want to?" Harry chuckled slightly as Ruth pulled back.

"Like I say, they take after their father" Ruth held his gaze as Harry smiled.

"Poor sods" Harry watched as Ruth touched his face.

"That was a compliment Harry" He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them as she closed her eyes.

"We should go. The kids will come, they are already on the way" Harry explained. "You did nothing wrong and it was twenty four years ago. Those that believed the lie will have forgotten it, half of them wont even know and if anything is said they better say it with me there or keep their mouths shut. Elizabeth was your mother, you have more right to be there than any of them"

"Harry I"

Ruth shook her head. She couldn't fight his logic as she looked away. "I should finish getting ready"

"Ruth, you look fine as you are" Harry kissed her again as the sound of a car pulling up on the gravel driveway outside signalled Catherine and Graham had arrived.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Catherine had intended to get to the B&B where Harry and Ruth were staying before the morning traffic got too busy. Graham and Charlie seemed to have other plans. She turned the small Renault Clio into the driveway of the B&B with less than an hour to spare before the funeral was due to start. Charlie was alseep in his car seat as Graham turned to stare out of the car window.

"You ready for this?"

"Yeah" Catherine answered. "Look, Dad said Ruth is a little withdrawn"

"Understandable. She was never the most outgoing woman on the planet but loosing her mother. That has to have had an effect. Even if they didn't get on" Graham turned to Catherine.

"Yeah"

"I mean look at you and Mum. I know she's in prison but all that business with her and Richard changed her and you"

"Oh and it had no effect on you?" Catherine raised her eyebrows.

"Course not" Graham winked. "Same as ever me"

"Now you sound like Dad" Catherine opened the car door and began getting Charlie out of the car seat.

"Just saying, we need to behave today" Graham watched as Catherine rolled her eyes.

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Amy slept soundly as Lucas carried her into the flat. The various boxes he and Ros had packed ready to move littered the hallway. He couldn't believe in one week's time the four of them would be leaving the flat they had lived in for so long. He tried to carry the little girl in the hope she stayed asleep.

"James is out for the count" Ros sighed as she ran her hand through her blonde hair.

"It's still early" Lucas smiled. Neither of his children were early birds. Amy had inherited the trait of sleeping wherever she was from him and even though she had spent the night sleeping at Carrie's she had quickly settled down for a nap in the car on the way home. Ros nodded as Lucas laid the toddler on the sofa.

"8:30" Ros clarified. "Not that early"

"We've been awake since yesterday" Lucas reasoned. "James was awake at 4, Carrie said Amy was unsettled during the night"

"She has a cold" Ros brushed her daughter's black hair away from her face.

"Ros, go to bed. Get some sleep"

"You were awake too" Ros looked up as Lucas nodded.

"I wasn't in charge of an op, which if went wrong would have seen the Home Secretary maimed or killed" Lucas watched as Ros narrowed her eyes.

"True" She yawned "Lucas I" Her words were stiffled by another yawn as Lucas smiled.

"Bed"

"Ooh I love it when you are masterful" Ros smirked as Lucas rolled his eyes. Amy rubbed her eyes and reached for Ros as Lucas watched them. "Ok Shorty. It's you and me I think" Ros picked her little girl up and carried her to the bedroom.

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Beth curled up under her duvet, glad that Ros had given them all the morning off after the siege had taken up most of the night. She was exhausted. It hadn't helped that she had been certain one of Red Troop would open fire. Dimitri kissed her hair as he settled down next to her.

"Beth?"

"Yeah" She looked up at him as he wrapped her in his arms.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, fine. Just missing Harry"

"Oh thanks" Dimitri laughed. "Not exactly the response I was looking for when I got into bed with you. Didn't expect you to mention another man's name"

"I'm worried about him and Ruth. When my parents died I was engaged. It all went pear shaped after the funeral. I just don't want that to happen to them" Beth felt Dimitri kiss her shoulder.

"Engaged?"

"Thought I said?" Beth turned to face him. "Anyway I was such a Mummy's girl and when she died I went off the rails a little. He couldn't handle it" Beth watched as Dimitri stared at her "Loosing a parent changes you Dim. Makes you question who you are, what you are. If I know Ruth, she'll be doing that now. I just hope she doesn't push Harry away. I think that would kill him" Dimitri nodded as Beth held his gaze.

"She's going to be fine. She's got Harry and the kids. Her friends at the Grid, choir. Nothing is going to go wrong." Dimitri smiled as Beth rested her head on his chest. He just hoped he was right.

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Catherine hugged Charlie to her as they all stood outside the small chapel Ruth's mother had specified for the service. She realised that Ruth had never mentioned any of the people that were there. Charlie had settled well and was looking at the apple tree a few feet away from them. Graham had stayed close to his sister as Ruth hung back from the group. It was clear she felt extremely out of place.

"Ah so you came?" Catherine spun as she saw a much older woman step towards Ruth and Harry.

"Yes" Harry answered, with a look that seemed to warn the woman to say nothing else. Graham raisd his eyebrows as he looked at his sister.

"Who's that?"

"Dunno. Let's find out" Catherine's instincts for trouble were on full alert as she practically marched towards the older woman.

"Hello" Graham smiled at the pensioner as Ruth bit her bottom lip.

"Didn't think you would have the nerve to turn up here. Not after the way you behaved" Victoria announced. Catherine narrowed her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Graham answered.

"Leave it Gray" Ruth spoke for the first time. "Victoria, I know you were my mother's friend and that you knew her for a very long time but she was my mother. I think that gives me the right to be here"

"After what you did?"

"Again, excuse me?" Graham took an instant dislike to the woman sniping at Ruth.

"I said leave it" Ruth stared at the older woman. "It's not for discussion today, otherwise the truth will come out, as will your role in the cover up afterwards" Ruth watched as the old woman glared.

"I will have my say" Victoria spat.

"I think you did that when you met us at the hospital." Harry rested a hand on Ruth's back as he ushered her into the chapel. Graham hung back as Catherine carried Charlie into the chapel behind her father.

"You Victoria Bromfield?" Graham asked.

"I am"

"Ok, just a word to the wise yeah. Leave my family alone. I have no idea what you have against my step mother and I have no wish to know but she doesn't need this bull. So keep your nasty little mouth shut" Graham paused "I know you are grieving, I've lost friends myself. But this is just spite and it makes you look worse than any of us. Let whatever it is go"

He turned to walk away as the vicar could be seen entering the pullpit.

"You don't know what she did"

"Whatever it is supposed to be I don't think it is what you think it is"

"What? You think I am a liar"

"No, I just don't care what you think" Graham turned and joined his family as Ruth turned to face him. He smiled slightly as Catherine quietly asked him what he had done. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders as Catherine dredded to think what her brother had done as the old woman she had seen outside shot him a death glare worthy of Ros. She looked across the pew to see Harry rest an arm around Ruth's shoulders as Ruth rested her head on his shoulders. _It's going to be alright. It will be alright, just have to get them home. _Catherine thought to herself. _We just have to go home and get back to normal._

Harry had no idea what the vicar was saying as he sat next to Ruth. He was certain it was something about how loved the deceased was. All he could focus on was the woman leaning on his shoulder. How she had whispered in disbelief at how small the coffin at the alter really was and how she had closed her eyes when the vicar had mentioned her father. He knew she had chosen to sit at the back of the chapel so she could slip away before her step father caught sight of her. He hugged her a little tighter as he saw his children exchange glances. He made a mental note to ask Graham what had been said when he had got Ruth away from the vile woman. He glanced to see Catherine raise an eyebrow at him as Graham whispered.

"Stop worrying Dad, family yeah? Stick together" Harry smiled slightly and nodded at his son's whispered words. He knew Ruth had heard Graham, although she said nothing he felt her squeeze his hand a little tighter as the vicar instructed the congregation it was time for the Lord's Prayer.

**A/N This is the penultimate chapter. Please let me know what you think. This is probably the chapter I was dreading writing as it was a little too close to home. This is draft number three. I hope I got it right.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. I have a stinking cold so appologies if none of this makes any sense!**

**Back to Reality**

"Why is it I really,really want to punch that pompous prick in the mouth?" Graham whispered as Catherine shot him a warning look.

"You dare" She hissed back as she turned to see an older man approach Harry and Ruth in the chapel courtyard. The winter sun made it difficult to see what was going on but it was clear Ruth was uncomfortable with the presence of the older man. But Catherine had no idea who he was.

"Reckon that's her step father" Graham took Charlie from his sister as she realised her step mother didn't just look terrified. She looked angry.

"Yeah? Obviously they don't get on" Graham watched as Charlie frowned and pointed towards his grandfather.

"Good idea Charlie boy, let's see what's going on" Graham walked off holding the baby, knowing his sister had no choice but to follow him.

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"Ruth"

Ruth closed her eyes as she heard her stepfather approch her. It had been a long day already and an argument was the last thing she wanted.

"Hello David"

"Ruth, I was hoping to see you" Harry squeezed Ruth's hand as the older man looked towards him.

"Well, here I am" Ruth almost glared at him.

"This is Harry I take it?" David looked towards Harry as Ruth nodded once. Even Harry was surprised at how cold she was being towards the old man. He understood why but he hadn't really thought Ruth capable of completely shutting the world out around her. Then he remembered everything after George had died and how she had been with him on the bridge the day they had argued. "_You got a Knighthood and I'm dead, that's our status Harry" _For a brief second he felt sorry for the pensioner, before realising the conversation was still going on around them.

"Hello" Harry watched as David cleared his thoat.

"Thank you for coming"

"She was my mother, even if she didn't want to be" Ruth watched as he nodded.

"Yes, that's true. We both know what she was like for holding a grudge" He shook his head and smiled.

"Yes" Ruth could see Graham and Catherine approaching them. "I think we both know it went a little beyond a grudge David" She glared as Harry rested a hand in the small of her back. He could see she was beginning to get upset. The way Graham raised his eyebrows as he walked towards them proved he had spotted it too. The younger man hung back as Catherine called his name. Ruth took her opportunity, she was determined the children would know nothing of what had happened to her as a teenager. She still hated the fact Harry and Ros knew.

"He was my son"

"Not hers though. It would have been nice to have been believed by my own mother. It would have been nice to know why she chose to believe his lies" Ruth narrowed her eyes as Harry watched her expression change. She watched as her mother's ex husband nodded.

"I couldn't accept it. I just couldn't" David shook his head. "Not until after he died. Not until I looked through his things. Times and dates added up" He shook his head sadly. "But your mother would hear nothing of it. She classed him as her own"

Ruth stared at him before shaking her head sadly. "It was a long time ago. Everything I said was true. You knew it then, you didn't need to wait until he died to start believing it."

"I" David watched as Harry shook his head. It was then the old man realised the woman in front of him wasn't the same as the young girl he had known.

"Harry"

"Yes Ruth?"

She glanced towards where the children had hung back. Harry waited as Ruth turned and walked away towards the fence at the edge of the church yard. Harry sighed heavily before he decided to leave the old man where he stood and walked after her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zoe flopped on the sofa in the living room of her apartment as Emma stood in front of her playing on her Wii Sports with Zaf. He was clearly being beaten by a five year old and wasn't that happy about it.

"Em!"

"What?" She giggled

"Are you sure you are not cheating?" He laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"I don't know where you get the energy" Zoe watched as Emma and Zaf shrugged.

"E numbers" Emma answered as she carried on dancing to the game. Zaf burst out laughing.

"That told you!"

"Shut up Zaf" Zoe shook her head laughing as she got up. _Well if you can't beat them join them._

_xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Ruth stared out across the field behind the chapel. She felt sick. It had been over two decades since she had spoken to her mother's ex husband and she could cheerfully wait another twenty years before she spoke to him again. She felt Harry approach her as she stared out over the field.

"Ruth" Harry was so close she could feel her name on his lips as he spoke.

"I'm fine"

"Ruth, you are not fine" Harry rested a hand on the small of her back as she closed her eyes. "It'a a funeral, it's bound to make you emotional"

"No" Ruth shook her head slightly.

"High emotions Ruth, everyone here is finding this difficult" Harry watched as Ruth turned to face him.

"She lied about me for the majority of my adult life. I should hate her" Ruth watched as Harry held her gaze. "She never wanted me Harry. Once my dad had died I was nothing more than a nuisance to her. I should hate her" Ruth watched as Harry's eyes darkened.

"Do you hate her?" Harry was worried. He had never seen Ruth so contained. So cold about anyone since the day he had met her. Even Oliver Mace had got more of a reaction from her.

"She was my mother"

"Do you hate her?" Harry asked again as she closed her eyes.

"No. I want to. I tried to, but I can't" Ruth let Harry pull her into his arms as she shook with tears. Catherine tapped Graham's arm and nodded towrds the fence. Graham smiled slightly as the baby snuggled into his arms.

"You reckon they will be ok?" Catherine was worried.

"Yeah sis" Graham smiled as Charlie nodded. "Dad and Ruth will be just fine, come on" He turned and walked back towards the car, leaving Harry and Ruth alone against the backdrop of the beautiful chapel and the sunbleached wooden fence as Catherine nodded and followed him. She had a funny feeling something had changed, but that her family was going to be stronger for it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ros opened her eyes to see Amy sat up and staring at her. It was later than she expected it to be and she immediately grabbed her mobile phone, worried that one of the team had been trying to get hold of her.

"Mama"

"Hello" Ros hugged her as she glanced at the small phone _Nothing. Good. _She smiled as Amy began giggling in her arms. "Let's go and find the boys"

"Boys" Amy nodded as Ros smiled back at her. Glancing at the clock she realised Ruth and Harry were more than likely on their way back to London. All she could do was hope the funeral had gone as well as expected and that they were both on the way home. Carrying Amy into the living room, around the myriad of boxes already packed for the move she stopped as she saw Lucas' prone body on the sofa with little James asleep on his chest.

"Daddy!" Amy pointed as Lucas snored gently.

"Ssh" Ros put the little girl down as she watched the two most important men in her life. So much had changed but this was her reality now. Her husband and her children came before everything, including the Grid. She leant in the doorway and watched as Lucas opened one eye and stared at her.

"You ok?"

"Yeah" Ros smiled "More than ok"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry held Ruth until the tears finally stopped. He glanced up noticing no one else had remained behind at the churchyard as the winter sun gave way to the cold and Harry wondered for a moment if Ruth was shaking from tears or from the cold. He kissed her hair as he held her, unwilling to let her go but knowing they had to go soon.

"Ruth, it's freezing"

"I know" She spoke into his black coat, still reluctant to step away from him.

"We should go" He felt her nod slightly as he spoke.

"I was thinking" She pulled back slightly.

"I'd be worried if you weren't" Harry smiled slightly as they began walking towards his car. Ruth raised an eyebrow.

"Funny man"

"That's what you were thinking?" Harry looked across at the chapel as Ruth shook her head.

"No I was thinking about everything. Chloe, the baby we lost. Graham and Catherine, little Charlie" She watched as he turned to her.

"Oh"

"Well, it's the right order of things I think" Harry stared at her, completely lost. It was clear she had been analysing her entire life over the course of the morning. "Not Chloe, that was wrong. Completely wrong but everything else is the right order of things. I mean you are a grandfather. Who wants to be starting again with a new baby when they are a grandparent? You've brought your kids up" Ruth dropped his hand as she walked to the passenger side door.

"If you remember Jane brought them up" Harry sighed.

"Same difference. You had your children" Ruth smiled "And now they are adults and having their own children. Oh don't look like that I know you think they are both just children but they aren't"

"Ruth, by now you should know I don't give a stuff about the right order of things" Harry wasn't sure what was going through Ruth's head. "It's been a long day"

"Yes" Ruth sighed. "It has" She stared out the window.

"Back to London?" Harry started the engine as Ruth fastened her seatbelt and nodded.

"Yes, Harry. Take me home"

**A/N Please review. I'm thinking about making this a little longer. May run for a few more chapters. What do you think? Thank you for the reviews. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Homeward Bound**

Harry parked the LandRover outside the B&B as Ruth stared up at the small building. She coulnd't believe she had only arrived a few days earlier. She sighed heavily, when she was in Cyprus she dreamed of driving through the Exeter countryside with Harry. It hadn't been how she had imagined at all. So much had changed and for the first time in years she realised Exeter wasn't home, not anymore. It was just the place she had come from. Home was London, the Grid, Harry.

"Are you ok Ruth?" Harry watched as she smiled slightly.

"I thought we were going home"

"We are, but I thought we could collect our things first" Harry watched as she closed her eyes.

"Of course" Ruth rolled her eyes "I wasn't thinking"

"That" Harry smiled "Would be a first"

Ruth raised her eyebrows as he looked at her and shook her head slightly. She knew Harry was only teasing but he was right. She had spent the last week analysing everything about her life. Analysis was what she did for a living. It was what she was best at, but the last week she had stopped analysing threats and had turned her talent for finding details on to her own life. It had to stop, she would drive herself and Harry mad if she continued.

"Harry, where are the kids?"

"Catherine wanted to go home but I think Graham has persuaded her to get something to eat first. They should be back in London before us" He opened the car door as Ruth continued to stare up at the bright blue sky.

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Ros walked back on to the Grid, glad that Harry would be back before too much longer. Although she hated to admit it he was better at running the place than she was, even with Malcolm to help she was no where near as diplomatic as Harry could be. She glanced around the room, relieved that there was no sign of William Towers. For a moment she wondered if Harry would be in trouble with the Home Secretary for not returning to London when Aiden Dempsey had insisted he did just that.

"Hi" Tariq looked up as she walked towards him

"T Shirt?" Ros rolled her eyes as Tariq smiled broadly.

"New"

"No"

"Oh"

"No"

"Tariq" Beth laughed, "You push your bloody luck sometimes"

"What? It's smart, it's black it's new" He turned back to Ros.

"You work for MI 5 Tariq, not the bloody NME" Ros watched as he held her gaze. For a moment she was reminded just how young the baby of the team was. But then he knew exactly how to use those big brown eyes to get what he wanted. Ros shook her head. It may work with Zoe, Beth and Ruth to a certain extent it didn't work with her.

"You just want to see me out of it that's all" He pouted as Lucas burst out laughing.

"Tariq Masood, I have socks older than you" Ros walked towards the coffee machine as Tariq's jaw hung open. Lucas and Malcolm returned to their work both trying to conceal the laughter and failing as Beth shook her head. The sooner Harry and Ruth were back the better for everyone concerned.

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Zaf sat in the car looking out over the street as Adam crossed the road. The winter sunshine made the street look brighter than he remembered. It seemed strange to think the last time he had been there it was covered in snow. Adam opened the car door and sat down heavily in the passenger seat.

"Well was Dimitri right?" Zaf asked as Adam nodded once.

"Yeah, it looks like it"

"New asset then?"

"Yeah"

"Ok spill, I've known you long enough. What's wrong?" Zaf pulled away from the curb as Adam glared out of the window.

"Nothing"

"Yeah and I really work in Tesco" Zaf glanced at his friend.

"I think Carrie is going to leave me" Adam couldn't believe he had said it out loud.

"You asked her?"

"No"

"Ask her then" Zaf sighed. "Take your own advice mate. Ask her what's going on. It might be something else. She could be pregnant for all you know"

"Bloody hell" Adam turned to Zaf. "You reckon?"

"Something Zoe said" Zaf smirked as he drove back towards Thames House. "Just ask her, yeah. And stop the girly strop in the meantime yeah? Ruth is back later. She aint going to need you like this"

"Ok" Adam shrugged as the car reached Thames House. "Ok"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry glanced across at Ruth. She had been quiet for the last few minutes as he drove along the motorway towards London. For a moment he thought she was shutting him out again but then when he saw her sleeping peacefully he couldn't help but smile. The thought of going back to London seemed to calm her almost immediately. Harry smiled as he turned the car radio down a little. _Right order of things? What on Earth gave her that idea? So what if Charlie had an auntie or uncle that was a little younger than him? Would that really matter? She nearly died a few weeks ago. I can't loose her, not again. What if she died? What if getting pregnant really was that dangerous for her? No, she's right. We can't. I can't. _Harry thought to himself as he overtook the car in front of him. He glanced over to Ruth who seemed to be still asleep.

"Nearly there" He smiled slightly as Ruth carried on sleeping oblivious to what was going through Harry's mind.

xxxxxxxxxx

"You ok?" Lucas leant on the office door as Ros looked up.

"Yes, I am always ok" Ros answered as Lucas held her gaze.

"Ros" He stepped towards her. "I know you"

"I should hope so, after everything" Ros stared at him. He knew there were very few people that got anywhere near getting close to Ros Myers. Ros smiled slightly as Lucas neared her.

"Last meeting with Home Sec before Harry comes home" Lucas watched as she nodded "You've done really well, not many women would have come back from maternity leave early to do this"

"Lucas"

"They may not realise it" He nodded towards the outer office where Adam and Zaf were returning through the Pods. "But I know how much you care about this place, the job and the people in it. You may be the Ice Queen to the rest of the world, but I know you" Lucas' voice dropped as Ros held his gaze. The rest of the team seemed oblivious to them.

"Just don't tell that lot" Ros glanced past him as Lucas smiled.

"Wouldn't dream of it" He caught her hand in his as Malcolm yelled for someone to get Ros from the office.

"No rest for the wicked" Lucas sighed.

"And I have certainly been that" Ros winked as she walked past him into the main Grid. "Ok, Malcolm, what have we got?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry parked the car outside the house as Ruth finally stirred.

"Was I asleep?" Ruth yawned as she clicked her seatbelt off.

"You are the Intel Analyst, you should know" Harry smiled slightly as Ruth ran a hand through her hair.

"Sorry"

"We're home" Harry opened the car door as Ruth slipped out of the car and began walking up the steps. The London traffic and noise seemed a welcome distraction from everything that had happened over the last few days. She had missed the chaos and noise of the city. Harry watched her as she looked around the street.

"Yes" She smiled slightly as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Yes we are"

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**A/N I may leave this there and go on to the next story. I have an idea. Is Carrie pregnant? How will Adam react to that news if she is? Ros and Lucas also have some changes to make while Harry and Ruth have to begin looking towards the future rather than the past. Should I write it? Oh thank you for all the lovely and very kind reviews I have had to this fic. A final review would make my day xx**


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